***Disclaimer***

***Disclaimer: The Wizard of 'OZ' makes no money at all from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow. 'OZ' is 100 % ad-free***

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Stick It To The Telemarketers!

Click here

Click here.

Windows 11 update...

Windows 11

New Windows error codes released for upcomimg Windows 11


Winerr 000 - Unexpected Intelligent User Detected; Please Reload Everything

Winerr 001 - Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly

Winerr 002 - Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet)

Winerr 003 - RAM Depleted; Annex China (Y/N)?

Winerr 004 - Deluxe Error Required. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error

Winerr 005 - Long File Name Error; Disk Erased to Make Room for Filename

Winerr 006 - Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake Crash

Winerr 007 - Alphanumeric Sequence "iMAC" Prohibited

Winerr 008 - This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy

Winerr 009 - Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors

Winerr 00A - Non-Microsoft Application Encountered, Not Our Fault. Really.

Winerr 00B - Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement

Winerr 00C - Windows Loaded Correctly This Time, That's 1.

Winerr 00D - User Error; Lemming Not Found

Winerr 00E - Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize

Winerr 00F - Reserved for Future Coding Errors

Winerr 010 - Virus Error - Other Applications Will Be Closed Instead

Winerr 011 - Orwell Not Found; You Must Use Microsoft Edge

Winerr 012 - Cash Underflow - Credit Card Number Will Be Assimilated

Winerr 013 - Keyboard Error; User Must Learn to Slow Down

Winerr 014 - User Error; Reading License Agreement Mandatory to Continue

Winerr 015 - Error Message Deleted

Winerr 016 - Expected Error Did Not Occur; Attempting to Restart Error Sequence

Winerr 017 - Multitasking Attempted; System Confused

Winerr 018 - Network Error - Your Crash Will Be Replicated to All Stations

Winerr 019 - Freedom-of-Choice Error; Select a Microsoft Browser To Continue

Winerr 01A - Insult Detected -- Your Bill Gates Joke Will Be Deleted

Winerr 01B - Error Removing Temp File; a Permanent File Will Be Substituted

Winerr 01C - Wrong Disk Formatted. Sorry About That.

Winerr 01D - Mandatory Error Inserted to Meet Error Quota

Winerr 01E - Please Insert Your Favorite Error Here

Winerr 01F - Error In Progress; Please Wait....

Winerr 020 - Unknown Error Occurred But Was Lost. Windows Will Try To Remember

Winerr 021 - Error Parsing Error List; Please Wait For Next Error

Winerr 022 - Upgrade Error; Please Format Your Drive And Reload Everything

Winerr 042 - Error Explaining Meaning Of Life. Sorry You Have To Buy The Book.

Winerr 666 - TRUMP Virus Found. Hit Enter For Global Thermonuclear War

biarn teirwsts

Spark up the ol' gray matter!

1) The Elder Twin

One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How come?

2) Manhole Covers

Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?

This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle which can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.

3) The Deadly Party

A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning. Why did the man not die?

4) Trouble with Sons

A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?

5) The Man in the Bar

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.

This puzzle has claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.

Click here for the answers.

Sidewalk Art

How DO they do that???

Keep in mind that this is NOT a hole!
Flat sidewalks! WOW!To see more, click here.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

I wish I had known..

I wish I had known..

Click here.

The Puzzle Pitt

Enter The Puzzle Pitt

Click above to put the Pitt back together! You need Internet Explorer to do these puzzles.

Have You Ever Wondered... Why are they called apartments?

from WONDEROPOLIS.ORG
Apartments - photo credit WONDEROPOLIS.ORG

What kind of place do you call home? Is it a house? A condominium? An apartment? Something else entirely?

Today, Wonderopolis takes a closer look at a special kind of home called an apartment. Apartments are complete homes that occupy only part of a larger building. If you've ever seen an apartment building in a large city, you know that a large building can contain hundreds of homes within it in the form of apartments.

Of course, if all those apartments are stuck together to form one big building, one might WONDER why they're called apart — ments! And that's a great question! The word “apartment" comes from the French word appartement and the Italian word appartimento, both of which mean “a separated place."

If you think about it, it makes sense. Even though all the apartments within a single building are indeed stuck together, they are also apart from each other. Each apartment is a separate residence apart from the others!

Apartment buildings are often owned by a single owner who then rents out the individual apartments to people who are called tenants. Apartments that are owned by their tenants are often called condominiums. In Great Britain, apartments are usually called “flats."

Apartments are usually defined by the number of bedrooms they have. A one-, two-, or three-bedroom apartment obviously has the corresponding number of bedrooms.

Some small apartments, however, have one main room that serves as the dining, living and bedroom combined. These apartments are called studio, efficiency, or bachelor apartments.

People who live in apartments usually share certain common areas with the others who live in the same building. These common areas can include lobbies, laundry facilities, mail rooms, and even swimming pools or exercise facilities.

Apartments have been around for a long time. Ancient Rome and Egypt both featured large apartment buildings. The need for apartments arose as cities became larger and populations grew. Urban areas simply don't have enough real estate for everyone to have a house.

Many people prefer to live in apartments rather than houses, too. Apartments generally are easier to maintain than houses, since many of the maintenance functions are taken care of by the owner of the apartment building. Apartments also often allow people to live in the heart of a city where houses tend to be very expensive.

Many apartment buildings also offer better security in the form of doormen and alarm systems. In larger cities, this added security can give apartment tenants peace of mind.

*Wonderopolis.org

Rage - The Gay Crusader

RAGE, The Gay Crusader
Click on the picture to read all about it!

Monday, April 24, 2017

Try Something New And Fun!

Build a city! Click here

Build a city! Click here.

What do us Canucks Have to be PROUD of?

The Strong and The Free

Click here to find why you should be PROUD!

Was Roy Orbison Blind?

Roy Orbison was not blind, although he did have poor eyesight. Before a concert he forgot his regular glasses on the airplane and only had his sunglasses with him. So he preformed with his sunglasses on that night and the next day the newspaper completely focused on his sunglasses and not so much his performances that evening! He knew that it might be a good way to get an image that could last! And at his last concert he performed with sunglasses!
Roy Orbison

By the way if he were blind he would not have been able to drive motorcycles and cars, which he enjoyed a lot!

The ZEN of Computing


In Japan, they are considering replacing the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft Error messages with Haiku poetry messages.

Haiku poetry has strict construction rules.

Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.
Haiku is used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen:

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows 10 crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

God's Pharmacy

This ought to make you think:

It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... All before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...

God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!

God's Pharmacy! Amazing!

Carrot A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.


tomato A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food



grapes Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.




walnuts A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

kidney beans Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.



celery Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body..


avacados Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).


figs Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.


sweet potatoes Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.




olives Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries




oranges Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

 

onions Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

The AMAZING Human Brain

Reflections - Click here for the Powerpoint

This is a PowerPoint presentation. Click above.

If you don't have PowerPoint, you can download the free viewer here.

Alternativly, you can ditch Microsoft
and you can download LibreOffice - a full office suite for free!!
Click here for that.

Bananas!!

Dancing banana!



After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school (England) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers.. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking & Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!'

PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth.

Amazing fruit !!!

Note: The Wizard gets a smile on his face when he eats bananas, They are so sexually suggestive when you eat them :)

Barin Cmarps**


**Brain Cramps

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Erin Moran, 'Happy Days' actress, dead at 56

(CNN)Popular actress Erin Moran, a mainstay on TV from the late '60s to the mid-'80s and best known for her kid-sister role in the sitcom "Happy Days," has died. She was 56.

Authorities in Indiana found her body Saturday afternoon after getting a 911 call at 4:07 p.m. for "an unresponsive female," the Harrison County Sheriff's Department said.

"Upon the arrival, it was determined that the female was Erin Marie Moran-Fleischmann. First responders determined that she was deceased and an autopsy is pending," the department said.

Moran was cast as Joanie Cunningham, the younger sister of Richie Cunningham, who was played by Ron Howard, a child actor who is now a famed director.

The show aired from 1974 to 1984. It was set in 1950s Milwaukee and was a big hit with a catchy theme song and memorable characters such as The Fonz, played by Henry Winkler.

Moran played the same character in the early 1980s in "Joanie Loves Chachi," a shortl-ived spin-off with her "Happy Days" co-star Scott Baio continuing his role as Chachi Arcola.

Other "Happy Days" spin-offs were "Laverne & Shirley" and "Mork & Mindy."

more at CNN.com

Below is a video:

Fifty Fascinating Facts

from healthybodylife.com

brain

1. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

2. 80% of the brain is water.

3. Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles per hour.

4. The brain operates on the same amount of power as 10-watt light bulb.

5. The lifespan of a human hair is 3 to 7 years on average.

6. Every day the average person loses 60-100 strands of hair.

7. Human hair is virtually indestructible.

8. One human hair can support 3.5 ounces.

9. The fastest growing nail is on the middle finger.

10. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

longest fingernails

11. The human body is estimated to have 60,000 miles of blood vessels.

12. The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet.

13. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razorblades.

14. The surface area of a human lung is equal to a tennis court.

15. Coughs clock in at about 60 mph.

16. Feet have 500,000 sweat glands and can produce more than a pint of sweat a day.

17. During your lifetime, you will produce enough saliva to fill two swimming pools.

18. On any given day, sexual intercourse takes place 120 million times on earth.

19. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

20. A fetus acquires fingerprints at the age of three months.

saliva

21. If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

22. The ashes of a cremated person average about 9 pounds.

23. A human head remains conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds after it is been decapitated.

24. Your eyes are always the same size from birth but your nose and ears never stop growing.

25. A baby’s head is one-quarter of its total length, but by the age 25 will only be one-eighth of its total length.

26. Humans can make do longer without food than sleep.

smile/frown

27. It takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

28. The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue.

29. You use 200 muscles to take one step.

30. Bone is stronger than some steel.

human skin cells

31. Three hundred million cells die in the human body every minute.

32. Every tongue print is unique.

33. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

34. The only part of your body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It gets its oxygen directly from air.

35. It is impossible to sneeze without blinking your eyes. The highest recorded speed of a human sneeze is 165 kilometer per hour.

36. The human body sheds about 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime.

37. We spend for sleeping more than 20 years of our life.

38. A human’s small intestine is 6 meters long.

39. By walking an extra 20 minutes every day, an average person will burn off seven pounds of body fat in a year.

40. An average human drinks about 16,000 gallons of water in a lifetime.

long beard

41. Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his lifetime.

42. We breathe about 10 million times a year.

43. There are approximately 550 hairs in the eyebrow.

44. The most sensitive finger on the human hand is the index finger.

45. A person swallows approximately 295 times while eating dinner.

46. The human heart and other body functions stop all at once, when one sneezes.

47. The stomach needs to produce a new mucus layer every 2 weeks, else it would digest itself.

48. Some of the body parts that we don’t require are – the appendix, pinkie toe, wisdom teeth and tonsils.

49. It takes the body about 12 hours to completely digest the food present in the digestive system.

50. Your thumb is the same length of your nose. At this very moment I know well you are putting this last fact to the test… …now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well.

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Brain Freeze

Brain Freeze

Try Your Luck!

1. Guess! 2. Guess! 3. Guess!







Answers:

1. "Shotgun"
2. "In One Fell Swoop"
3. "Repeat after me"

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Russian Helpers

Russian video that made the whole world cry. 
There is still hope on this world.

"Saskatchewan Sunset Splendour"

"Saskatchewan Sunset Splendour"
Not sure who painted this, if you know please make a comment. I am not sure of the name of the painting either...

More Whipped Cream For Me Please!

One day I had lunch with some old friends. Jim, a short, balding golfer type, about 85-years old, came along with them; all in all, it was a pleasant bunch.

When the menus were presented, my friends and I ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Jim who said, "A large piece of home-made apple pie, heated please."

I wasn't sure my ears heard him right, and the others were aghast, when Jim continued, completely unabashed ...."along with two large scoops of vanilla ice cream."

We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time, but when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy eating mine. I couldn't take my eyes off of Jim as I watched him savoring each bite of his pie a-la-mode. The other guys just grinned in disbelief as they silently ate their lunches.

The next time I went out to eat, I called Jim and invited him to join me. I lunched on a white meat tuna sandwich, while he ordered a chocolate parfait. Since I was chuckling, he wanted to know if he amused me. I answered, "Yes, you certainly do, but you also confuse me. How come you always order such rich desserts, while I feel like I must be sensible in my food choices?"

He laughed and said "I'm tasting all that is possible for me to taste. I try to eat the food I need and do the things I should in order to stay healthy, but life's too short, my friend. I hate missing out on something good. This year I realized how old I was. He grinned. I've never been this old before, so, while I'm still here, I've decided it's time to try all those things that, for years, I've been ignoring."

He continued, "I haven't smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many trout streams I haven't fished. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead. There are too many golf courses I haven't played. I've not laughed at all the jokes. I've missed a lot of sporting events and potato chips and cokes.”

"I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace. I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the one I love the most.

"I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel wind on my face. I want to be in love again. So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner, because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire. I had that final piece of pie before my life expired."

With that, I called the waitress over.. "I've changed my mind, " I said. "I want what he's having, only add some more whipped cream!"

Be happy and enjoy doing whatever your heart desires. You're only on this crazy planet for a short time.

Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we like, respect, and enjoy spending time with.

Remember that while money talks, ICE CREAM SINGS!

Veronica, Archie and Betty - share a sundae

Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we like, respect, and enjoy spending time with.

Tux spreads the gospel

Tux spreads the gospel

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Inebriated Ramblings - a poem by Senyru



Inebriated Ramblings
Author : Senyru


Hesitation:

you seemed to dwell in its caves and abandoned
the elusive concepts of perception in favour of
your curiosity, echoes of silence and thoughts
that bled like ruptured arteries -

but, was it worth it?

I, unknowingly whispered the secrets of my muse
to winds that only learned to waltz to the beatings
of synchronized hearts - but, I neglected to ink
the notes of our composition,

and such,

I dread the day where I must confront the
truths of how I flirted with bereavement
even though I was betrothed to melancholy

(a beautiful mistress who loved to whistle
the hymns of forgotten pains).

Your countenance spoken in waves of regret -

like you drew parallel lines to the ambiguity
of the tinges of majestic purples, deep-jet blacks,
bountiful reds oranges and yellows that was found
on your palette whenever you wished to breathe
artistry on the canvass of night skies that were
to reflect you. You sought atonement in the alignment
of the stars - counting them away aimlessly (child-like,
innocent) with fervor that served as accoutrement
for your morale that embraced elegance and lament.

At the risk of sounding cliche - I clung onto you, like lint on sweaters.

...for I needed you to quell the quakes that brought travesty
to my realities that encompassed reveries that
bordered on pragmatism and infeasible doctrines.

..for I needed you to dawn the role of Lady Justice
and bring order to the unruliness of my empire as
I once thought leniency equated to the keeping of peace.

..for I needed you .. because I wanted. well rather want you.

Cowardice - it tasted mephitic upon famished
tongue but more so, since it provocated memories
and illusions of a past that I so desperately yearn to
repress and keep it tucked under veils of mist in the
recesses of my mind. I never told you the truth about
my infatuation with apocalyptic-nights and the
paleness of the moon that brought forth a sense
of clemency as it contrasted every
ill-mannered prayers. I drank wines that poisoned
me with ruthless clarity and proposed that
a heart of darkness is the lesser of two evils,
and as for the moon - I consumed a plethora
of fables of how she donned a white chariot
to serve as a petrifying reminder of mortality
and that we live on borrowed time..
and I never seized presented opportunities to
read into your novel - chapters that remain unexplored
while I marinate in your once saccharine words
that were tattooed on my heart (never on skin)
that were reminiscent of the ataraxia your
subconscious so desperately craved.
I found myself lost in your foreword, and
by mid-plot in the early pages of your beginning,
I felt the lashes of your affliction - though, I never
had the chance to learn why..
and as far as I know, the ink of the ending
is yet to dry on parchment.

Hurricanes and tornadoes pale to the storm that's
brewing in your heart, and no amount of engineered
levees can withhold when you choose to dispel
the pent up cries and screams that's been accumulating
for a half-dozen years. The sky will be blotted in your
tears flooding the canals of Venice with unuttered thoughts
while the lament in your voice oscillates like it was
solar wind kissing the atmosphere and birthing a sight
for sore eyes - you were always my aurora borealis
(in the coldest of voids, you were the one
thing made it bearable).

You once told me that you were skilled in the
ivory and ebony keys and the strings of a violin
that you nonchalantly plucked at with a bow
to orchestrate musical soliloquies that
kept hinting at sunken ships of the coast
of lighthouses. But the chartreuse of your irises
never faulted, and the paleness of your pink lips
won me over again and distracted me from
your overbearing Magna Carta.

... The fire of a dragon yearns through a heart's king
that beats the blood of a slave; through glory and
misery, he must learn to reign with a gentle
iron first. But even something as mighty
as a dragon can fall to a penguin..

...the poetry of your words left me with
cravings
and the winds of voyage coerced you to
set sail towards
an Arabian Night.
I was
left to captors that drank from fountains
that could never quench their thirst for
knowledge (that they knew they could
not obtain).

The embers of your superfluous
words-forgotten still carve their presence
unto my skin in an impertinent attempt to
cling onto a thread of immortality - I'd
be lying if your thesis had not manifested
into something greater (to the likes of
the ever famous lopsided smile of
Mona Lisa) ... and it'd be a blatant
lie to deny that I always found myself
lost to the stardust of your eyes. I dreamed
of a cliff painted grotesque grey and the sky
with tinges of black and purple lingering
in the presence of a million odd stars
that gazed right back at us - even when
we were rendered breathless
in the magnitude of the resplendent cosmos,
and slowly intoxicating ourselves with
the realization that our existences are but a
minuscule speck on the time-line of space, I
found myself lost to the stardust of your eyes.

...and I know that you were swayed by tides
that were never addressed to you (like how you
enthused in sunsets and sunrises that
never sang your lullaby) and that's what captivated
me. You were always quick to drown in oceans
and sacrifice (more accurately volunteer) for lead
that were inscribed with names other than yours,
like you were keen to follow the mercenaries of midnight
rather than the domineers of dawn

but I never understood why.

In spite of all your pleasant mannerisms and the
polished air that you carried - why is it that your
soul gravitated towards means of seeking reparations
like your history is aggregated by sins
and wrongdoings that keep you plagued? You were
never in debt to sorrow - but that's all that your
mind is capable of
pondering anymore.

It still befuddles me that you think that you're
anything less than a masterpiece - you truly
are beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated and
walk with a rightful sense of elegance but
you've refuse to embrace the reality of
my repeated words....

you truly are beautiful.

Please, visit their website (http://www.poems-and-quotes.com) and vote for new poems to help them decide who will be the winner of next week.

World's Largest Penis Record Holder (Jonah Falcon) Frisked By TSA - S-E-X day on 'OZ' (NSFW)

Would you want to see it? Is this a gift or a curse? Do you agree with Cenk?


"Jonah Falcon was stopped and frisked by the TSA at the San Francisco International Airport on July 9, 2015 because of a bulging package hidden in his pants. But the 41-year-old New Yorker wasn't packing a dirty bomb, drugs or a Costco-sized tube of toothpaste. The New Yorker has the world's largest recorded penis."

Something To Offend Everyone...

Best Smart-ass Answers!
Smart-ass Answer #1:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smiley Face

Smart-ass Answer #2:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smiley Face

Smart-ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smiley Face

Smart-ass Answer #4:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, 'Low bridge ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smiley Face

and finally:

Smart-ass Answer #5, THE TEACHER SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow, I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess I'd say you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Smiley Face


This One is very 'Punny!'

This piece of string walks into a bar. But he's hardly through the door when the bartender yells, "Hey, String! Get outta here!" Hours later, the piece of string is still trying to find a drink. So he ruffles his ends and contorts himself. As he goes into yet another bar, the bartender says, "Are you a piece of string?" The piece of string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Jeffery Straker, outstanding Canadian Artist

The Wizard, My partner Dwight, and Jeffery Straker
The Wizard, My partner Dwight, and Jeffery Straker
A few of my favourite Jeffery Straker songs/videos. Jeffery is an amazing artist who write his own music, words, and plays the piano superbly! Be sure to visit his official page as well as his youtube channel. (Links are embedded in the page accessible below:

 Click here to watch them!
Click above to watch them. You won't be disappointed