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Monday, November 30, 2015

50 Things to do in a Public Restroom

Public restroom
1.Comment "Pooh, who did that?"

2.Complement people on their shoes.

3.Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up a conversation.

4.Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects.

5.Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in their bowl.....

6.Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives.

7.Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?"

8.Simulate a drug deal.

9.Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects).

10.Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.

11.Start a sing-a-long.

12.Act schizophrenically.

13.Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy....

14.Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.

15.Ask loudly "When does the movie start?"

16.Write 'nerdy' graffitti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you."

17.Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.

18.Pour water over the stall door onto occupant.

19.Say "Oops... missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls.

20.Rub chocolate on your hands, reach under the door and say, "Hey buddy. Got any toilet paper? (Stolen from Howie Mandel.)

21.At night, switch off the lights.

22.Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?"

23.Collect a door charge.

24.Ask "Is there a doctor in the house?"

25.Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing.

26.Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python/axolotl.

27.Write essay questions on the toilet paper.

28.Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl.

29.Offer refreshments.

30.Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.

31.Run in, yelling "Free Willy!"

32.Charge admission.

33.Electrify metal urinals.

34.Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl.

35.One word: GOLDFISH.

36.Make a jelly in the bowl.

37.Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags" as standard.

38.Remove stall doors.

39.Glue seat and cover down to bowl.

40.Place signs warning of 24 hour video surveillance.

41.Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE.

42.Put itching powder on the toilet seats.

43.Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.

44.Replace soap in dispenser with custard.

45.Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available.

46.Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install.

47.Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa).

48.In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice young players: Don't leave the water in while you do this....)

49.Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette.

OK, So Only 49!

The Dark Side of OZ

The Dark Side of OZ. Click here.

This page was created for all of you looking for evidence that Pink Floyd's 1973 release of "Darkside Of The Moon" and the 1939 release of "The Wizard of Oz" have some kind of a connection. This connection is the fact that you can watch "The Wizard of Oz" and listen to the CD "Darkside Of The Moon" and notice that they are synchronized. What we mean by this is that if you start the CD at the MGM Lion logo screen you will notice that the music on the CD matches perfectly with the things that are going on in the movie. Click on the picture above for the interesting story.

--Wizard's Note: I suggest that there are at least 2 more people on the NET that have too much "time" on their hands. I also suggest that this will work best if you smoke at least 3 joints...

Totally work related

Funny videos and stuff from "The Website is down"

 Click here

KISS- Christine Sixteen (Judy Garland Edit) - SONIC BOOM

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Narcisse and Inwood Manitoba Canada - Garter Snake Capitals of the World

Narcisse, Manitoba - NARCISSE GARTER SNAKE DENS NEAR INWOOD MANITOBA


The Narcisse Snake Pits are located six kilometers north of Narcisse, Manitoba. The dens are the winter home of tens of thousands of Red-sided Garter Snakes (Thamnophis sirtalis parietalis). These pits are the largest concentration in the world of this particular type of snake. Their winter dens are subterranean caverns formed by the area's water-worn limestone bedrock. In the spring, they come up from their dens to the snake pits, where they engage in mating rituals. Then they disperse into the nearby marshes for the summer.


The best time to visit the Narcisse Snake Pits is late April to early May, which is the mating season. Another good time to go is early September, when the snakes slither back down to their winter dens.

The Philosophy of Ambiguity

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Candy Canes: History, Lore and More

Ever wonder why candy canes are associated with Christmas?

child with a candy cane
Some say that candy canes are meant to be a letter J for "Jesus,"

while others believe the white colour stands for purity and the red stripes represent the stripes on Christ's back when he was beaten before the crucifixion. Some say their hardness represents the church's strong foundation, or that the peppermint flavor harkens back to hyssop, a sacred Old Testament herb.

While any of these meanings can easily be applied to make candy canes more meaningful, the truth is actually much simpler:

Beginning in about the 17th Century, when sugar became more widespread, European confectioners started producing hard candy sticks. At that time, anything made with sugar was still considered a treat, and mostly reserved for special occasions such as Christmas. Eventually parishes began giving the
hard candy sticks to keep children quiet during service. These versions were bent at one end to resemble a shepherd's crook, and by extension, a bishop's crosier.

These first versions of candy canes were not flavored, but were made from plain sugar. Over time, in countries where Christmas trees were popular, people found that, with the candy canes' crook at the top holding them in place on the tree's limbs, they made the perfect edible tree decoration.

--Canadian Farmer's Almanac 2015

Thought for the Day

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:
Making a decision

That the moment one definitely commits oneself, the Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Fun Words!

In case you missed it. Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational* which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

The winners are:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

and now for something completely different...

Words that end in gry

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to it's yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

HYUK!

* WPM Invitational

"Fingers" Mitchell Cullen

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners


Haeeya!
Duck Hunting
A lawyer went duck hunting for the first time in Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of the fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck, it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!"

The old farmer smiled and said, "No, I give up. You can have the duck."
HYUK!
First Day Of Driving A Cab
A businessman hailed a cab from his hotel and asked to be driven to the hospital about a mile away.
The cabby started driving but he was only going about 15 mph.
The passenger banged on the partition and said speed it up.
The cabby screamed hit the gas and plowed into a tree.
The passenger said what the heck is wrong with you?
This is my first day driving a cab.
I drove for a funeral home for 15 years and no one ever banged on my partition.
You scared the living-daylights out of me!

HYUK!
Auction
Selling at an auction was halted when the auctioneer announced, “Someone in the room has lost his wallet containing $2,000. He is offering a reward of $500.00 for its immediate return.” After a moment of silence, there was a call from the back of the room, “$550.00”
HYUK!
Personal Fitness
Two women who had just met at a health spa were talking about their lifestyles and how they hope to stay healthy. One asked the other to detail her daily routine.

“I eat moderately,” she replied, “I exercise moderately, I drink moderately, and I live moderately.”

“Is there anything else you do?” her new friend asked.

“Yes,” she said, “I lie extensively.”

HYUK!
Blonde and Lamp Genie
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.

The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home.

The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.

The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

HYUK!
Marriage Certificate
Wife: "What are you doing?"

Husband : "Nothing."

Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

HYUK!
Buying a Horse
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I am buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

HYUK!
Little Boys and Skydiving
There are three men in the military practicing skydiving. The first man jumps out and a swiss army knife falls out of his pocket. The second man jumps out and a kitchen knife falls out of his pocket. The third jumps out and a grenade falls out of his pocket. When they land, they go and look for the things they drop because they could have really hurt someone.

The first man is running along the street and sees a little boy crying. "Little boy, why are you crying?" he asks. The boy says, "A swiss army knife fell out of the sky and killed my cat!"

The second man is running along a street and sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, why are you crying?" he asks. The girl says, "A big kitchen knife fell from the sky and killed my puppy!"

The third man is running down a street and sees a little boy laughing hysterically. "Little boy, why are you laughing?" he asks. The boy says, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"
HYUK!
Enemies at the gates
Sergeant: Private, I think the enemy soldiers are hiding in the wood. I want you to go in there and flush them out for us.

Private: Okay, sir, but if you see a bunch of guys running out the woods, don’t shoot the one in front.
HYUK!
On The Bridge
There were 3 men who were working on a bridge.

One of the worker's name was John, the other one's name was Randall, and the last one's name was Joe.

So one day when the 3 men were taking a lunch break, they all opened up their lunch box and saw what their wives had gave them for lunch.

When John opened his lunch, he saw that he had peanut butter and jelly, so then he said, "If my wife gives me the same lunch tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this bridge.

Then Randall opened his lunch and saw that he had spaghetti and meatballs.

So then he also said the same thing as what John said. Then when Joe opened his lunch he saw that he was having a chicken salad.

So then he said that he too was going to jump off the bridge if he got the same lunch the next day.

So the next day, all 3 men had the same lunch from yesterday and they all jumped off.

A week later when the funeral was scheduled, John's wife said, "If my sweetie- pie told me he wanted a new lunch, he should have told me!” then Randalls wife said "Why did he do it? Why??” then Joe's wife said, "Why did he jump off the bridge? He packed his own lunch!"
HYUK!
Oreo Insights
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

1. The whole thing all at once.

2. One bite at a time

3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.

4. In little feverous nibbles.

5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).

6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.

Your Personality:

1. The whole thing: This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with his or her children.

2. One bite at a time: You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical: You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.

4. Feverous Nibbles: Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked: Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie: You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie: You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside: You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them: Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreos: You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prissy.
HYUK!
Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!
A new nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"

The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"

The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here.".
HYUK!
A Bad Day
A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

“What’s the matter, son,” asked his mother.

“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “it’s my marks. They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean, “all wet”?”

“I mean,” he replied, “below C-level.”
clapping

Straight No Chaser - Movie Medley

Friday, November 27, 2015

What does a 320 pound woman look like?

Now, before you scroll down to look at her pictures,
get a mental image of what you think a woman who weighs 320 looks like...
GOT IT?


V
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320 pound woman
320 pound woman
320 pound woman
320 pound woman
320 pound woman

Not exactly what you were expecting is it??

The tallest and best proportioned woman in the world lives in Holland.
She is 7'4" and weighs 320.
What a relief! Now we ALL know we aren't overweight; we're just too short!

Do you have a small one?

Sometimes it's better to be small.


click here.

"Twerkey"

Twerkey
Twerkey

The Making of 'The STELLANATOR' food challenge in Bellevue Nebraska at Stellas Bar and Grill

The Love Doctor


The Love Doctor Dear Love Doctor,

My boyfriend and I have been together for over three months now. This is our first true gay relationship. We have spent almost all of our time together. When I mention hanging out with old friends he tends to get upset and doesn't understand why. I really do enjoy being with him all of the time also. Recently, he made plans for dinner with his ex-girlfriend. He didn't understand why this upset me and why I'd be jealous.

Since we've been together he has made comments that she is a stalker and is obsessed with him. I don't understand why he'd put himself in this position. Please give me your input.

Signed,

Can't think of a name!

Dear Cant't Think,

You have very little to worry about. If the ex-chick did it for him, he'd still be with her... not in your face all the time. There are probably a couple of reasons he agreed to go to dinner with her (notice I didn't call it a date). Either she annoyed the retail out of him and he's not strong enough to resist the "stalker" or he's just being a man and likes the fact that he's still wanted on all sides.

Let me tell you a little story about someone I know. We'll call him Eric. Eric met Alex about six years ago. They fell in love instantly and Eric never went home. When I say he never went home... I mean he literally never went back home!

He and Alex have been together ever since. Each day they both go to work, then return home and spend their entire evening together. They go bowling together, see movies together... they even share the same bathroom time getting ready for work in the morning. But about every six months or so I get a call from either Eric or Alex. They've had a terrible fight and don't understand how the other can be so insensitive about the sore spot of the month.

Usually, during a gasp of air in the midst of the teary soliloquy, I have time to get in one line. I remind them that they're always in each other's faces. They have denied themselves that precious "me" time that helps each of us humans recharge our batteries. Carrie from Sex and the City needed an hour after work uninterrupted to recharge her's. I need at least one sly affair with a Law and Order marathon to keep my boy annoyance meter low. Another friend of mine needs a night out on the town with only him and his friends to suppress the suffocation of a relationship.

The point is, we're not robots. We need time to ourselves just to get things in order. Give him some room to breathe. Let him go out with Erika Christensen if he wants. Actually, let him know that you're ok with his little dinner madness. By doing so you'll send a message that you trust him completely. He'll appreciate you letting him roam. And because of this brilliant strategic move on your part, he'll have no basis to get upset when you want to go out with your buddies later.

Lastly, give him an incentive to come home as quickly as possible for a little desert... and guess who's on the menu?


The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

R.I.P. Harvey Milk

R.I.P. Harvey Milk

Thursday, November 26, 2015

The Effects of Alcohol

After 6 beers
drunk


After 2 glasses of wine
drunk



After 2 bottles of wine - Shared of course
drunk


After too many margaritas
drunk


After 3 Kamikazes
drunk


After 7 rum & cokes
drunk


After 1 large purple haze
drunk


After 3 martinis
drunk


After 1 bottle of tequila
drunk

What do you think caused your heterosexuality? ;-)


1.What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you decide that you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failure in gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality in fear of rejection?

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn't prefer it?

8. If your heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

9. With whom have you discussed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, God-given homosexual potential?

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted sex roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually, or vice-versa?

17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

19. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?

20. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you want to. Have you ever tried therapy?

21. A disproportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients, and other irresponsible or anti-social types are heterosexual. Why would you want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?

22. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust other of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?

23. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

24. Why do you make a point of attributing heterosexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?

25. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear that s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?

Not The Colonel! Not The Colonel!

I recentley watched a commercial for KFC that had me fuming. It featured 'Colonel Sanders' selling the chicken. This is a gigantic mistake!
Not Colonel Sanders
Not the Colonel

Colonel Sanders
This is The Colonel!
I saw a commercial the other day and he said: "I am not Colonel Sanders..." No he is not. He's even a poor example of imitation. I'm glad they clarified it!

The difference is clear! Don't muck with an icon! Coke did that with New Taste. it didn't work then and it won't work now.

-- end rant

Egyptian God Family Tree

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Golden Orb Spider Silk

Made with Golden Orb Spider Silk
This piece of fabric measuring 3.4 metres by 1.2 metres was woven from gold-coloured silk drawn out of 1 million wild Madagascan golden orb spiders.

The rug was on display at the American Museum of Natural History in New York. It took four years to complete and is decorated with patterns of birds and flowers.

The spiders were collected during the rainy season from their webs on telephone wires using poles.

About 24 metres of the strongest “dragline" type silk filament were then extracted from each individual of Nephila madagascariensis. After they had been "silked", the spiders were released back into the wild.

Spiders’ silk is three times as strong as Kevlar and five times as strong as steel, but can stretch up to 40 per cent of its length. Work is under way to sequence spider genes to produce synthetic silk.

See more pictures and learn more about how it was made

(Image: American Museum of Natural History)

What is a McDonald's hamburger patty made out of?

McDonald's hamburger patty
by Joshua Engel, Enthusiastic eater and adventurous cook, from Quora.com

As John Burgess says, it's 100% pure beef. They have no need to add any fillers. The amount of beef in quarter pounder costs them less than $.40; in a regular hambuger it costs less than twenty cents. That's for a burger they're going to sell for about $2 and $1, respectively. It's just not worthwhile for them to shave costs there.

The meat is perfectly ordinary grades of meat for ground beef. It's USDA inspected. It's not graded, but the grading system is largely about fat content, and they're controlling the fat content in the grinding. It's not prime rib; you don't turn prime rib into burgers. Burgers are made by combining relatively tough, flavorless cuts with high-fat flavorful cuts and grinding it to give a pleasant texture. This is the same way you'd get a burger anywhere else.

McDonald's used to use the "pink slime" (meat scraped from the bones, treated with antimicrobials such as ammonia). But the stuff literally has a bad name, and they gave it up a couple of years ago. The stuff wasn't nearly as terrifying as it was made out in the media, especially not compared to the other abuses that go into every steak you've ever bought at the grocery store (which remains a chunk of muscle sliced from a dead animal), and it was still 100% dead cow flesh, but the bad publicity just wasn't worth the cost savings.

There's nothing weird about McD's beef (at least, nothing weirder than you get at the grocery store). It's just cow parts. They sell it cheap because they purchase it in bulk.

for more and to up vote, see Quora.com

'Twas 'The Night Before' that finally killed the gay-panic joke

The Night Before

The following review is by Josh Dickey, Mashable.com ©

LOS ANGELES — The gay-panic joke is over.

For years it has run like a shiver up the spine of male-centered comedy — and Hollywood will surely keep going back to it, even though it's offensive, worn-out and was never that funny to begin with. Yet — ding dong merrily on high — gay panic humor is nowhere to be found in The Night Before.

In fact, the latest bro-down from Seth Rogen's band of merry pranksters (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50 writer/director Jonathan Levine and James Franco add Anthony Mackie to the ensemble here) manages something much more sophisticated and daring: a running same-sex sight gag that not only sails over the sensitivity bar, but actually works.

It's a refreshing departure — and, if we're being hopeful here, a possible turning-away point — from a trope that's only funny if you believe sexual contact with another man is a straight man's worst living nightmare. See, for example, Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart, who released the unambiguously titled Get Hard earlier this year, then acted surprised when the media forced them to reckon with its underlying homophobia.

After a critical drubbing — Variety said that the film contained "some of the ugliest gay-panic humor to befoul a studio release" — Ferrell and Hart were forced to answer to the junket press. Their conclusions, as you can imagine, were deeply unsatisfying, focused on the old-fashioned "funny is funny" defense.

Ferrell and Hart were hardly pioneers here. Michael Bay (famous for many reasons, none of which is comic sensibility) is a prolific practitioner of homophobic-hysteria-as-humor. Judd Apatow, as forcefully socially conscious as powerful filmmakers get these days (on Twitter, at least), wrote and directed the "You know how I know you’re gay?" riff in The Forty Year-Old Virgin.

We could go on and on and on. Remember The Dilemma? The Hangover movies? That bedroom scene in Wedding Crashers? Examples abound.

And to be fair: Though they've never gotten quite as mean-spirited as the premise of Get Hard, the Night Before gang has walked up to that line, too. The most recent example came last year, when Rogen's character was forced to stash a phallic object where the sun don't shine in The Interview. Before that, 2013's This is the End concluded with Jonah Hill being raped by a demon.

The Night Before, which opened nationwide Friday, turns gay panic upside-down in a moment that, at first, looks like recidivism. Before we get into it, here is your SPOILER ALERT: The trailing paragraphs give away a major joke.

The film centers on three friends (Rogen, Mackie and Gordon-Levitt) who come together in Manhattan every year for a night of Christmas Eve debauchery. Because of their evolving life circumstances, this will be the last time they observe the tradition — so Isaac's (Rogen) pregnant wife (Jillian Bell, playing a character who's surprisingly well drawn) sends him into the night with a cache of drugs and a free pass.

During a sequence at a karaoke bar, Isaac accidentally swaps phones with his friend Sarah (Mindy Kaling). After they part company, he's confronted by a text message from one of her male acquaintances. More specifically, it's a dick pic — an impressive one, at that — accompanied by a proposition (a situation that, it begs to be noted, actually played out in real life just a few weeks ago).

And here's where you think, "Oh boy, here we go again."

Except that's not what happens at all. Isaac is shocked at first — he hasn't yet realized that his phone was swapped — but instead of revulsion or disgust, his reaction is something more like ... admiration. Clearly Isaac isn't gay, but he knows a great penis when he sees one. He begins a text conversation that pays off not just in the moment, but at a few intervals before The Night Before is through with the gag.

To send Isaac into a panicky spiral would've been the old way of writing this situation. Instead, his reaction shows perspective that's more in line with the times. Yeah, consenting adults send each other naughty images; just because you prefer the opposite sex doesn't mean gay sexual contact is something to be feared, shamed and/or vilified; male frontal nudity isn't some kind of moral outrage that requires a trigger warning (looking at you, Fifty Shades of Grey).

At its core, The Night Before is a movie about growing up, about letting go of wanton youth and embracing responsibility. It is every bit as sweet as it is raunchy fun, a combination that's a welcome metaphor for where we're headed on the inclusiveness curve in Hollywood studio comedy. And as a bonus, The Night Before shows that there's a way to be inclusive without making it seem like something as normal and everyday as having sex, or expressing sexual desire, should stir terror and alarm.

For too long, Hollywood has gotten by on the excuse that it's the characters' oafishness, their wrongheaded prejudice, that's funny; we're supposed to be laughing at them, not with them. But not everyone will see things that way — and besides, prejudice itself isn't really funny, is it? Especially when you see how the same situation is handled by a character whose first reaction isn't a homophobic seizure.

Yeah, "funny is funny." Funny that doesn't drag a bunch of people down? Way funnier.

The Little Red Wagon

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster. '

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

cat siren

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

50 office-speak phrases you love to hate

Office Speak Bingo
Office speak is a reality, and not just in commerce and industry, it is most prevalent in the Civil Service. It is their belief that it is the invention of the "Generalist Manager" cult currently destroying our services and our commerce and industry. The myth that someone can parachute into an organization he or she knows nothing about and "manage" it is just that, a myth. They've have seen far to many instances of it going badly wrong and of the trail of destruction these incompetents leave behind them to think otherwise.

Click here to see if your office is guilty!

Put the big rocks in first

There’s a well-travelled story about a teacher who showed his class a one-gallon jar and a dozen large rocks.

After a little rearranging, he got all the rocks into the jar, filling it to the top. He then dumped a bag of gravel into the jar until the spaces between the rocks were filled. Next he poured sand into the jar, shaking it so the sand filled the spaces between the rocks and the gravel. Finally, he emptied a pitcher of water into it.

“What does this demonstration prove?” he asked.

One student said, “No matter how full your life seems, you can always take on a little more.”

Another said, “Sequence and planning is important to maximizing productivity.”

A third said, “It’s about setting priorities. If you don’t deal with the big rocks first, all you’ll end up with is a jar of wet sand and gravel.”

rocks

There’s validity to each response, but the idea of identifying and dealing with the big rocks first is a particularly valuable insight.

We will live fuller and more fulfilling lives if we set our priorities – not only at work but in our life as a whole. Our relationships, work, spiritual life, hobbies, and charitable causes all claim our attention. We have to decide what’s really important.

Too often we surrender control of our days, even the direction of our lives, by letting circumstances or other people determine how we spend our time. Thus, we deal with what comes at us in the order that it comes or with squeaking wheels and demanding people.

Unless we distinguish between the rocks, gravel, sand, and water in our lives, we’re likely to neglect or forget the things that truly matter.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

*CharacterCounts.org

Canadian CSI

Canadaian CSI

Walkers..

walkers animated gif