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Friday, September 22, 2017

How to seal a bag of chips without a clip

Hollywood stars paid to smoke

Ronald Reagan pitching Chesterfield brand cigarettesHollywood’s Golden Age stars were paid to promote smoking, a new study says. A-list actors such as Clark Gable, Joan Crawford, Gary Cooper, Spencer Tracy and John Wayne received huge amounts of money through their film studios, according to researchers at the University of California at San Francisco. A key documents uncovered by the researchers was a list of payments for a single year in the late 1930s detailing how much stars were paid by American Tobacco, the makers of Lucky Strike. Documents show movie stars who endorsed Lucky Strikes cigarettes in 1937 were paid $218,750, the equivalent of $3 million in today’s economy. In total, almost 200 stars took part in cigarette endorsements, even though it was already known that tobacco use could lead to health problems. James Cagney, one of the stars who didn’t sell out, was still affected, commenting in his autobiography about his dismay at the loss of co-star Ann Sheridan at 51 of cancer of the esophagus and liver. Other stars who died of smoking related diseases include Humphrey Bogart (throat cancer, age 57), Spencer Tracy (heart attack following lung congestion at 67), John Wayne (lung & stomach cancer at 72), Clark Gable (coronary thrombosis, 59), Gary Cooper (prostate cancer, 60) and Betty Grable (lung cancer, 57).

--Link back to Tribute.ca--

Thanks to Erwin for providing me with the following information:

STARS PAID TO PROMOTE LUCKY STRIKE - 1937/8
Actor = US$ paid (2008 equivalent)
Gary Cooper = 10,000 (146,583)
Joan Crawford = 10,000 (146,583)
Henry Fonda = 3,000 (43,975)
Clark Gable = 10,000 (146,583)
Bob Hope = 2,500 (36,646)
Gertrude Lawrence = 1,750 (25,652)
Carole Lombard = 10,000 (146,583)
Myrna Loy = 10,000 (146,583)
Fred MacMurray = 6,000 (87,950)
Ray Milland = 2,000 (29,317)
George Raft = 3,000 (43,975)
Edward Robinson = 3,000 (43,975)
Barbara Stanwyck = 10,000 (146,583)
Gloria Swanson = 1,500 (21,988)
Robert Taylor = 10,000 (146,583)
Spencer Tracy = 10,000 (146,583)
Source: Tobacco Control 2008

Butch the Rooster

John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers
(hens), called 'pullets',
and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records,
and any rooster not performing
went into the soup pot
and was replaced.
This took a lot of time,
so he bought some tiny bells
and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone
so he could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch
And fill out an efficiency report
by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch,
was a very fine specimen,
but this morning he noticed
old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate,
he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets,
bells-a-ringing, but the pullets,
hearing the roosters coming,
could run for cover.

Butch The Rooster
To John's amazement,
old Butch had his bell in his beak,
so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet,
do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch,
he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation
among the judges.

The result was the judges
not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize
but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out
how to win two of the most highly coveted awards
on our planet by being the best
at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them
when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully this year,
the bells are not always audible.

Try this at home!

Homemade Metal Detector



Forget your combination?

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Jest Jokes...

A woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asks her husband to do.

HYUK!

A guy found a penguin and showed him to a policeman.
The policeman said, "Take that penguin to the zoo, now."

Next day the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.

The policeman stops the guy and says, I told you yesterday to take the penguin to the Zoo, what on earth are you doing with the penguin in your truck again?"

The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and today I'm taking him to the movies."

HYUK!

Confucius say: “Beans in sandy soil causes Dust in the Wind”

HYUK!

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to take up farming.

He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, “Give me a hundred baby chickens.”

The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, “Give me two hundred baby chickens.” The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, “Give me five-hundred baby chickens.” “Wow! The co-op man replies “You must really be doing well!”

“Naw,” said the man with a sigh. “I’m either planting them too deep or too far apart!”

HYUK!

Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?
A. He uses "windows". (Lame one)

HYUK!

Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub I'm drowning! (Even Lamer!)

HYUK!

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”

The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”

Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”

“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”

Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”

There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

Woo! HOO!!

Water Bill

Jennifer and Jim kept getting huge water bills. They knew beyond a doubt that the bills weren't representative of their actual usage, and no matter how they tried to conserve, the high bills continued. Although they could see nothing wrong, they had everything checked for leaks or problems: first the water meter, then outdoor pipes, indoor pipes, underground pipes, faucets, toilets, washers, ice maker, etc. -- all to no avail.

One day Jim was sick and stayed home in bed, but kept hearing water running somewhere downstairs. He finally tore himself from his bed to investigate and stumbled onto the cause of such high water bills.

Apparently this was happening all day long when they were not at home.

Knowing that few would believe him, he taped a segment of the 'problem' for posterity

Riddle

Schwarzenegger has a big one
Michael J. Fox has a small one
Madonna doesn't have one
The Pope has one but doesn't use his
Clinton uses his all the time
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one
Liberace never used his on women
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his
Cher claims that she took on 3
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
What is it?


Click here to find out.

Blessings of Mabon

Fall leaves
Blessed Be!

"The breezes taste
Of apple peel.
The air is full
Of smells to feel-
Ripe fruit, old footballs,
Burning brush,
New books, erasers,
Chalk, and such.
The bee, his hive,
Well-honeyed hum,
And Mother cuts
Chrysanthemums.
Like plates washed clean
With suds, the days
Are polished with
A morning haze."

- John Updike, September

The International Mercantile

Fake Soccer Balls
Fake Soccer Balls - a niche market!

Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example...

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American ad campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the “Caribe.”

Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals". Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means “horse.”

When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company's mistakenly thought the Spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."

Chicken-man Frank Perdue's slogan, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," got terribly mangled in another Spanish translation. A photo of Perdue with one of his birds appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained "It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused."

Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big breasts." In this case, however, the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a porno magazine.

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

A Budweiser slogan "Cut loose with Bud light" was translated directly into Spanish and came out "Quedate flojo con Bud Light" which means "Get the runs with Bud Light".

When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."

Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

When Vicks first introduced its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of "v" is the “F” sound, which in German is the guttural equivalent of "sexual penetration."

Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse. The English weren't too fond of the name either, as it's a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.

A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.

When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside since most people can't read.

*found at skiptucker.com

My Cool Avatar!

Toon Town Clown
Toon Town Clown (that's me!)

I took inspiration from this guy:
https://kartjeeva.deviantart.com/art/The-Joker-Heath-Ledger-from-the-Dark-Knight-313308990
https://kartjeeva.deviantart.com/art/The-Joker-Heath-Ledger-from-the-Dark-Knight-313308990

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Like Old Time Radio Shows? The Wizard recommends this site.

The following is directly from their website:

ABOUT OTRCAT.COM

After many years of listening and collecting old time radio shows, the OTRCAT (pronounced 'oh-tee-R cat' - from Old Time Radio Catalog) web site started in 1999. After reading "On the Air, The Encyclopedia of Old Time Radio," by John Dunning, I looked to expand my collection.

Up until the late 1990's, collecting Old Time Radio Shows was expensive and the shows themselves were rare. The original site began as a old time radio trading site to share my collection, further my personal collection of old time radio shows, and provide a place for other fans to research the history of the shows and performers. Since the 1990's, OTRCAT encoding thousands old time radio shows into the MP3 format.
Mr OTRCAT
As the collection expanded, fellow collectors asked for copies of the recordings. For listeners who want to order the shows, the CDs are offered at the reasonable price of $5.00 so everyone can afford to listen to these amazing shows. Collections are available on archival-quality media created with professional-grade duplicators which can be enjoyed for years to come. There are also new episodes to listen to every day of the week.

Proceeds from the website offset the price of machinery, supplies, and growing old time radio collection; every month OTRCAT also sends out free CDs of old time radio shows to various low-income retirement homes, centers for the blind, and American field troops based in Iraq and Afghanistan in hopes they will enjoy the nostalgia of these classic radio recordings.



Preserving Old Time Radio - Click above to order your favourite shows today!

Is My Child Going To Grow Up Gay?

***SATIRE***
Is My Child Going To Grow Up Gay?Early Child Development Homo Prevention Tips

1. A boy must not sit on a toilet unless he is having a bowel movement. Standing straight up, not hunched over while urinating, is a sign of manliness. Squatting on a toilet seat (especially if he hovers to avoid the urine of others or prissily wipes the seat with a square of toilet tissue) to pee is not only effeminate but a sign of shame! It is a secret hobby that homosexuals use in their daily lives. It is a scientific fact that when needing to use the restroom, a male is called upon to engage in the unpleasant undertaking of extruding a poopy in only 1 out of every 3 visits. But homosexuals use all three visits to practice squatting, to limber the cheeks of their bottom in preparation for even the most enormous penises. Such calisthenics are neither necessary nor advisable for men who have no intention of squatting over an engorged penis. As soon as your child is able to walk on two feet, you must make that sure he is taught to stand proudly in front of a private or public toilet seat, and to speak not a word, especially in response to the coy whispers of Catholic priests in the next stall.

2. A boy must eat everything on his plate. But if your son pesters you to serve corn on the cob, hot dogs or sausages, that is your signal to change his diet. Try serving meals that more effectively evoke a hankering for the fragrant delights of the female genitalia. An artichoke stuffed with tuna fish will usually do the trick.

3. A boy must always wear socks, except while swimming. So-called, "flip-flops" and "sandals," where the toes and ankles are exposed are products that were created during the (homo)sexual revolution. Creation research indicates that these types of provocative "shoes," were invented by homosexuals in San Fransissyco during the late 1960's with fetishes for little boy ankles. Thwart the perverted delight of these pedo-pedophiles with a thick pair of tube socks!

4. A boy must not be allowed to watch cartoons of any kind. He should spend Saturday mornings sitting quietly by his Father's side (with a respectful 3" between the male bodies), watching sports that don't involved male leotards. He must watch Football, Basketball, Baseball and Boxing. Soccer is not a sport for civilized people and often results in alarmingly long, uncut penises escaping from very alluring satin shorts. Soccer appeals only to poor, uneducated halflings from underdeveloped countries where the women grow mustaches twice as fast as the men. Make your child aware of this. When there are no sports on TV, take your boy out in the backyard and throw the football or play catch with a very hard baseball. Under no circumstances: wrestle in shorts, especially if your son is strapping, handsome and sporting a noticeably turgid crotch.

5. A boy must not play with dolls. If your boy has a young sister, forbid him from entering her room except for the purposes of the type of ordinary heterosexual experimentation that occurs in any Christian household. If you catch your male child playing with dolls, Landover Baptist Child Psychologists recommended that you shave his head, and sit him out at the end of the driveway with a sign around his neck that says, "I'm a Sissy Boy Who Plays With Dolls – Mailman: Why don't you just go ahead and stick something in my mouth?." This method of prevention has a 99.5% success rate (unless your particular mailman is young and attractive).

6. A boy must not refer to his parents as "Mommy" or "Daddy." As soon as your boy is old enough to speak, he must be taught to call his Mother, "Ma," or "Momma" or "Mommie Dearest." When addressing his Father, he should refer to him as, "Sir," "Dad," or "Commander." "Mommy" and "Daddy" are what fey, spoiled boys weaned on effeminacy coo, embarrassing you in front of the neighbors by never keeping the palms of their hands below their waists.

7. A boy must always wear thick, white underwear. White boxers, and/or briefs are acceptable. Your child must be taught that men who wear colored underwear or undergarments that are cut within one inch of the outer periphery of their pubic region or the trough of the valley between the cheeks of their bottom are either European or Homosexual – and in America there is no difference between the two.

8. A boy must never cry or pout. Crying, pouting or showing feelings are weak and feminine traits. After the natural tears of infancy, brought on by a child's traumatic exit from the spiritual realm of Heaven, to the horrible shock every young man experiences in seeing his very own mother's hairy, dilated vagina, and into this Devil run world we call, "Earth," your boy must be taught to stop crying. It usually takes a normal child several weeks to get over its birth – even when using daily submersions into ice-water.If your child is still crying after three weeks, please drop him off at the Creation Science Laboratory for the remainder of the year and for a determination of whether he is worth having back.

9. A boy must not use brightly colored crayons or any crayons from any colors of a rainbow. Christian parents should remove and destroy any suspiciously colored crayons from their boy's box of Crayolas. This needs no explanation, as we here at Landover Baptist are all familiar with Mr. Crayola's so-called "alternate lifestyle," and his reason for putting "Pansy Pink" and "Engorged Penis Head Purple" into his boxes are quite obvious. A boy must also draw in straight lines. Some curves are fine, but if you suspect your child of "doodling," and see that he is using more curves than straight lines, please call your Pastor immediately.

10. A boy must not skip or prance. You must not allow your boy to attend any school where they teach the children to "skip," or play "hopscotch" in Physical Education class. Creation Scientists have proved that such activities are the precursor to cross-dressing, appreciation for poetry, a sardonic display of irony and the rampant shoplifting of skin care products.

For more laffs go here: Landover Baptist Church
http://www.landoverbaptist.org

--Wizard's Note: Hahahahahahahaha! And the Wizard is a:
The Wizard is a card-carrying Homosexual --- and proud of it! ....and PROUD of it!


Landover Baptist Church is a parody of Reverend Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka KS, which can be found at:

http://www.godhatesfags.com
God Hates Fags Hate Site
Above picture from their website

The Poem

RIP Randall Andrew Husack
RIP Randall Andrew Husack
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.

Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on him
Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Randy died today.'
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.


Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.

Don't be afraid to express yourself.

Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.

Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.

Seize the day. Never have regrets.

And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

Go Riders!!!!

The 13th Man is what the Saskatchewan Roughriders Football Club calls the fans, The Loudest in the CFL!!
The 13th Man is what the Saskatchewan Roughriders Football Club calls the fans
The Loudest in the CFL!!
The Wizard bleeds green! Even at work!!
The Wizard bleeds green! Even at work!!

Click here to goto Riderfville.com

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Inquiring minds wanna know...

Are those YOUR Nachos?
Are these Your nachos? Or Nacho Nachos?
Or are they Nacho Nachos?"

The Peepee List

Next time you go to the public toilets you may observe one of the following types of vistors:
Calvin
Excitable Type
Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.
Calvin
Sociable Type
Joins pals for a piss whether he wants one or not.
Calvin
Timid Type
Cannot piss if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.
Calvin
Noisy Type
Whistles loudly, peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's tool.
Calvin
Indifferent Type
All urinals being occupied, uses sink.
Calvin
Clever Type
Pisses without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time.
Calvin
Vain Type
Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.
Calvin
Absent-Minded Type
Opens jacket, takes out tie, pisses in pants.
Calvin
Worried Type
Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while pissing.
Calvin
Disgruntled Type
Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to piss, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.
Calvin
Sneaky Type
Drops silent farts while pissing and looks at the bloke next to him.
Calvin
Sloppy Type
Pisses on shoe, walks out with flies undone, adjusts himself ten minutes later.
Calvin
Learned Type
Reads a book or newspaper while pissing.
Calvin
Childish Type
Watches bubbles at bottom of the urinal while pissing.
Calvin
Strong Type
Bangs tool on side of urinal to remove drops.
Calvin
Drunken Type
Pulls out tool, sees two, puts one away, and pisses in trousers.
Calvin
Embarrassed Type
Covers tool with both hands and pisses through fingers.
Calvin
Cock-Eyed Type
Stands in one cubical and pisses in next one.

The Pink Spotlight on Long John Baldry


Long John BaldryBackground information
Birth name John William Baldry
Born January 12, 1941
East Haddon,
Northamptonshire, England
Died July 21, 2005 (aged 64)
Vancouver,
British Columbia, Canada

Website JohnBaldry.com

John William Baldry, popularly known as Long John Baldry, (January 12, 1941 – July 21, 2005) was an English blues singer. He sang with many notable British musicians, The Pink Spotlight with Rod Stewart and Elton John appearing in bands led by Baldry at various stages of the 1960s. He enjoyed pop success in the UK where "Let the Heartaches Begin" reached No. 1 in 1967 and in Australia where his duet with Kathi McDonald "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" reached No. 2 in the charts in 1980. Baldry lived in Canada from the late 1970s until his death, where he continued to make records and do voiceover work. He is known by a younger generation as the voice of Dr. Robotnik in Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog.

Blues bands of the 1960s
Born John William Baldry in England, he grew to a towering 2.01 m (6 ft.7 in.) that resulted in the nickname "Long" John. Gifted with a deep, rich voice, he was one of the first British vocalists to sing blues music in clubs.

He sometimes appeared on Eel Pie Island, which is situated on the River Thames at Twickenham and, also at the Station Hotel in Richmond, Surrey which was one of the Rolling Stones' earliest regular gigs.

In the early 1960s, he sang with Alexis Korner's band Blues Incorporated, with whom he recorded the first British blues album in 1962, R&B at the Marquee. At various stages, Mick Jagger, Jack Bruce and Charlie Watts were members of this band while Keith Richards and Brian Jones played on stage with them, although none of those musicians played on the R&B at the Marquee album. The Rolling Stones supported Baldry in their first concert at the Marquee Club. Later, Baldry would be featured as the announcer introducing The Stones on their US-only live album, Got Live if You Want It!, in 1966.

Baldry became friends with Paul McCartney after playing a show at the Cavern Club in Liverpool in the early 1960s, leading to an invitation to play on one of The Beatles 1964 TV specials.

In 1963, Baldry joined the Cyril Davies R&B All Stars with Jimmy Page on guitar and Nicky Hopkins playing piano. He took over the group in 1964 after the death of Cyril Davies, which became Long John Baldry and his Hoochie Coochie Men featuring Rod Stewart on vocals and Geoff Bradford on guitar. Rod Stewart was recruited after Baldry heard him busking a Muddy Waters song at Twickenham railway station after Stewart had been to a gig at Eel Pie Island.

In 1965, the Hoochie Coochie Men became Steampacket with Baldry and Stewart as male vocalists, Julie Driscoll as the female vocalist and Brian Auger on Hammond organ. After Steampacket broke up in 1966, Baldry formed Bluesology featuring Reg Dwight on keyboards and Elton Dean, later of Soft Machine, as well as Caleb Quaye on guitar. Reg Dwight decided to adopt the name Elton John, taking his first name from Dean and his surname from Baldry's first name.

Solo artist
Long John's Blues 1964In 1967, he recorded a pop song "Let the Heartaches Begin" Long John Baldrythat went to number one in Britain, followed by a 1968 top 20 hit titled "Mexico", which was the official theme of the UK Olympic team in that year. "Let the Heartaches Begin" made the lower reaches of the Billboard Hot 100 in the US.

Bluesology broke up in 1968, with Baldry continuing his solo career and Elton John forming a songwriting partnership with Bernie Taupin. In 1969, Elton John tried to commit suicide after having relationship problems with a woman he was engaged to. Taupin and Baldry, who was openly gay, found him, and Baldry talked him out of marrying the woman, helping to make John more comfortable with his sexuality. The hit song "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" from Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy was written about the experience.

In 1971, John and Stewart each produced one side of It Ain't Easy which became Baldry's most popular album and made the top 100 of the US album charts. The album featured the song "Don't Try to Lay No Boogie Woogie on the King of Rock and Roll" which became his most successful song in the US. John's first tour of the US was around this time. The band included, Micky Waller, Ian Armitt, Pete Sears, and Sammy Mitchell. Stewart and John would again co-produce his 1972 album Everything Stops For Tea which made the lower reaches of the US album charts. The same year, Baldry worked with ex-Procol Harum guitarist Dave Ball.

Baldry would then suffer from mental health problems resulting in his being institutionalised. The 1979 album Baldry's Out was recorded after his release.

Long John Baldry played his last live show in Columbus, Ohio, on July 19, 2004, at Barristers Hall with guitarist Bobby Cameron. The show was produced by Andrew Myers. On that occasion, John and Bobby played to a small intimate group of people. Some came from as far away as Texas to witness this blues performer. Two years previously the two had also completed a 10-venue sell-out tour of Canada together.

Television
In 1985, he lent his voice to the show Ewoks. Since then Baldry's voice has appeared in many other animated series.

Dr Ivo1989 — Salty's Lighthouse as Top Hat, Hercules and Stanley/Chooch
1989 — Dragon Quest a.k.a. Dragon Warrior
1989 — Captain N: The Game Master
1990 — Captain N & the Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3
1990 — Madeline
1991 — Bucky O'Hare and the Toad Wars as Toad Air Marshal
1992 — Conan the Adventurer as Wrath-Amon
1993 — Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog as Dr. Robotnik
1994 — ReBoot as Captain Capacitor (1994, 1997-1998) and Old Man Pearson (1994-1996, 1997)
1996 — Sonic Christmas Blast as Dr. Ivo Robotnik
1999 — Sabrina, the Animated Series
1999 — Toad Patrol as Mistle Toad

Canadian citizenship
After spending time in New York City and Los Angeles in 1978, Baldry chose to settle permanently in Vancouver, British Columbia, where he became a Canadian citizen. He regularly toured the Canadian west coast, as well as the U.S. Northwest. Baldry also toured the Canadian east, including one 1985 show in Kingston, Ontario, where audience members repeatedly called for the title track from his 1979 album Baldry's Out!--to which he replied, "I'll say he is!"

In 1979, he teamed up with Seattle singer Kathi MacDonald to record a version of The Righteous Brothers' "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin", following which MacDonald became a permanent part of his touring group for the next two decades. The song made the lower reaches of the US Billboard charts but was a top 5 hit in Australia in 1980. He last recorded with the Stony Plain record label. His 1997 album Right To Sing The Blues won a Juno Award in the Blues Album of the Year category in the Juno Awards of 1997.

Death
Long John Baldry died on July 21, 2005, in a Vancouver hospital of a severe chest infection. Coincidentally, Deem Bristow, Robotnik's later voice actor had died earlier that same year.

*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

One Oxymoron* - There Are Two Of Them

One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.

One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came and shot the two dead boys.
If you don't believe all my lies are true,
Then ask the blind man 'cuz he saw it too.

HYUK!

Ladies and jelly spoons, hobos and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There’s a Mother’s Day meeting for fathers only.
Wear your best clothes if you haven’t any.
Please come if you can’t; if you can, stay at home.

Admission is free; pay at the door.
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit;
The man in the gallery’s sure to spit.

The show is over, but before you go,
Let me tell you a story I don’t really know.

HYUK!
*Oxymoron

The Seven Teachings

The 7 Teachings - Click here for the explanations of them
Click on the image for an interpretation of The Seven Teachings

Monday, September 18, 2017

So That's Why!

So That's Why The Sea Tastes Salty! =)
A blue whale produces over 400 gallons of semen when it ejaculates;

BUT:

* Only 10% of the semen actually makes it into his mate.
* So, 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean everytime he unloads.

You wonder why the ocean tastes so salty....

Now you know!

Don't drink the water!

Note from Urban Legends (snopes.com):

This bit of Internet insanity has one key point running against it: it's not a photograph of a blue whale.

The star of this celebrated picture is a a genteel marine critter which is not a whale but rather a member of the shark family. Specimens of this species can grow to be 46 feet long and weigh up to 15 tons. On average, they reach about 25 feet in length.

In contrast, blue whales can grow to be 94 feet long and weigh up to 174 tons. An average one will be about 80 feet long and weigh about 120 tons.

The whale shark (like all sharks) lacks a penis, so the circled item in the photo above is not that anatomical item, no matter what it looks like. (Male sharks perform their part of the mating process with the aid of their two rod-like appendages of their pelvic fins that are rotated and inserted into the female's at mating time.)

As to what the item hanging down is, the best guess from folks who study sharks has it that part of a female shark's intestines extruded through her cloaca, probably because of the ropes cutting into her.

Regarding how much sperm a blue whale ejaculates, we've yet to encounter the researcher who would admit having studied this. Ergo, the e-mail's claims about the ejaculatory habits of this creature (400 gallons of sperm per emission, 360 of which ends up in the ocean) should be viewed as literary embellishment.

But the joke is still funny in The Wizard's opinion!

Talking Clock

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yep" replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it.

"Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "For God sake, you asshole....it's ten past three in the morning!"

"Turtles All The Way Down" by John Green

John Green is 1/2 of the VLOG Brothers. The following is from Wikipedia:

John Michael Green (born August 24, 1977) is an American author, vlogger, writer, producer, actor and editor. He won the 2006 Printz Award for his debut novel, Looking for Alaska, and his sixth novel, The Fault in Our Stars, debuted at number one on The New York Times Best Seller list in January 2012. The 2014 film adaptation opened at number one at the box office. In 2014, Green was included in Time magazine's list of The 100 Most Influential People in the World. Another film based on a Green novel, Paper Towns, was released on July 24, 2015.
John Green
Aside from being a novelist, Green is also well known for his YouTube ventures. In 2007, he launched the VlogBrothers channel with his brother, Hank Green. Since then, John and Hank have launched events such as Project for Awesome and VidCon and created a total of 11 online series, including Crash Course, an educational channel teaching Literature, History, and Science, later joined by courses in Economics, US Government, Astronomy, Politics, Philosophy, Psychology, Mythology, Sociology, Computer Science, Games, and Film History/Production.

order a signed copy! (McNally-Robinson, Canada)
click above to order in Canada

The following is the premise of the book from McNally-Robinson.com:

Turtles All the Way Down (Signed Edition)

This is a signed edition. Limited quantities available.

#1 bestselling author John Green returns with his first new novel since The Fault in Our Stars!

Sixteen-year-old Aza never intended to pursue the mystery of fugitive billionaire Russell Pickett, but there's a hundred thousand dollar reward at stake and her Best and Most Fearless Friend, Daisy, is eager to investigate. So together, they navigate the short distance and broad divides that separate them from Russell Pickett's son, Davis.

Aza is trying. She is trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, and maybe even a good detective, while also living within the ever-tightening spiral of her own thoughts.

In his long-awaited return, John Green, the acclaimed, award-winning author of Looking for Alaska and The Fault in Our Stars, shares Aza's story with shattering, unflinching clarity in this brilliant novel of love, resilience, and the power of lifelong friendship.

The Wizard has pre-orderd a signed copy. (Don't tell John, but I'm his #1 fan.... :)