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Thursday, January 18, 2018

Suggestion from Human Resources

A suggestion from a Human Resources Manager:

HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES . . .

1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in The Senate

Word etymology from a punster's point of view

I DO NOT KNOW what happened to 16 and 17!!!!!

Word etymology from a punster's point of view. These are extremely clever.


1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds


2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do


3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage


4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with


5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate (I had to think about this one. . .)


6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets


7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living (also thinking)


8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist


9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does



10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did with his bag full of money


11. MISTY: How golfers create divots


12. PARADOX: Two physicians


13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower



14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm


15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with


18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife



19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does


20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

Incredible surfing

It's a jukebox!!

Click on any year and a Juke Box pops up with the top 20 hits of that year! Click on the jukebox below to go to the site!

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

No-No's for Seniors

Many who are over 50, WAY over 50, or on the way to 50 are quite confused about how they should present themselves.

They're unsure about the kind of image they are projecting and whether or not they are correct as they try to conform to current fashion.

In spite of what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

Speedos and cellulite
6. Speedos and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge (not just on seniors)

10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist

11. Bikinis and liver spots.

12. Short shorts and varicose veins.

13. Inline skates and a walker.

And the ultimate 'Bad Taste' in fashion for the older folks...

14. Thongs and Depends.

Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.

QUIZ ME!

Hundreds of quizzes! All free and you don't need to sign up for anything!

If I could catch a rainbow

rainbow
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things, I'm finding,
Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there.

Can You Solve This Tricky Riddle?

2 identical doors riddle
You approach two identical doors. Each door is guarded by identical men.

One door leads to the City of Truth where you will survive. The other door leads to the City of Liars, where you will not survive.

You do not know which door is which. You’re trying to go to the City of Truth and will therefore survive.

To find out which door is which, you can ask one question to one of the guards.

The guard at the door leading to the City of Liars always speaks lies. The guard at the door leading to the City of Truth always speaks the truth.

Which one question do you ask to find the correct door?



Stumped? See the video below for the answer:

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

A Hallmark Moment

Hallmark Moment

Medical Afflictions of the Cartoon World

Medical Afflictions of the Cartoon World

The Wizard's Favourite MJ Video and Song....

The Homosexual Zebra

The Homosexual Zebra The homosexual zebra is a brightly coloured rainbow tint. He can be seen roaming the Serengeti in search of a suitable same-sex mate. Zebra's mate for life but the homosexual zebra is sometimes the exception. This has to do with the prevailing laws in the coutry they reside in. You will see him courting his prospective mate in the late daylight hours, just before sunset. This is do to the innate want of not spending the night alone.

The courtship of the homosexual zebra is quite flamboyant: He will walk with a swish type gate - accentuating his colourful rump. He will swish his tail in a provocative manner. He will do a double take and see if his mark is checking him out. He will blink quickly - so the mark is aware of his interest and will bat his huge eyelashes at the mark.

He will lift his right front hoof and and tap it in such a way that the prospective can see and hear it - thus signifying a wanton need of sexual release. If the mark repeats the same moves - he is telling the aggressor that he is also interested in taking the courtship further.

The two zebras will now trot happily towards each other, and the pursuer will turn his brightly coloured backside to the other, and then will do an about face and immediately bite the other to show him that he is indeed the more powerful - thus determining what will transpire later in the sexual act itself.

If successful, the two homosexual zebra's will move to a well shaded, quiet area, where they can be alone. Homosexual zebra sex can be quite rough - often ending up with one or both requiring some downtime to rest - however, it is not unexpected that they will have some kind of sex, several times over the next several hours.

They will sleep beside each other until morning - at which time, the originator - will kick the other in the butt signifying the end of the encounter.

Homosexual zebra's rarely mate for life, they seem to prefer a "swinging" single lifestyle, with the excitement that that brings. This is in part that they are unable to be seen trotting in public together, without repercussion.

The homosexual zebra has been seen marching in Pride Parades in North America, but sadly, in it's homeland of the Serengeti, Homosexuals are still charged with a crime and thusly have driven the majority of homosexual zebra's to Hide their true colours, to evade detection.

It is my hope, that we will progress as a society that one day soon, the homosexual zebra and indeed, all zebras, homosexual and straight, will be able to peacefully co-exist together, free from the oppression that countries thrust upon them. After all, they are both striped, they both love, it's simply a question of who they love.

Monday, January 15, 2018

Who Am I?

animated question mark

* I am in California.
* I am at a structure 8,981 feet long.
* When built, I was the longest in the world.
* I took five years to finish and cost $35 million.
* I am one of the most beautiful such structures in the world.
* I opened to pedestrians in 1937 and to cars a year later.
* In 2017, for $6.75, I let you into a coastal city, by FasTrak license plate recognition
* Despite its name, my color is reddish-orange.

click here for the answer

Kids ARE Quick!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
HYUK!

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the
floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
HYUK!

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this kid)
HYUK!

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
HYUK!

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
HYUK!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
HYUK!

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
HYUK!

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
HYUK!

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
HYUK!

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
HYUK!

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
HYUK!

Well said, Grandma!

Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid. All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one.

As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed. Grandma didn't know her occupation.

Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for.

Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting..

Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line.

When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed.

He said "How the heck do you do this at your age?"

She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck' em dry!"


The policeman fainted...........
Grandmother

Exercise Ball Tricks

Saturday, January 13, 2018

We are Anonymous

WE ARE ANONYMOUS
How Big And Powerful Is Anonymous?

What/Who is/are Anonymous? Cyber terrorists, freedom fighters, a group of hackers, revolutionaries or an organization? Anonymous is a movement. Anonymous has no leadership; if you believe in Anonymous, and call yourself Anonymous, you are Anonymous.

How big is Anonymous?

Anons around the world have moved from opposing Internet censorship and control to attacking governments silencing the people’s rights, standing for freedom of expression, animal rights, helping the less fortunate, protecting children from online/offline abuse, protesting police atrocities, questioning and exposing the arm-twisting tactics of the rich, safeguarding the activists, publicizing cyber security threats, and attacking the attackers – the terrorists.

Anonymous was born out of 4Chan, a forum popular with hackers and gamers, in 2003. However, that loose band of people has now gone beyond 4Chan, and has become something much bigger. While it is hard to predict the actual size of the group and their activities, we bring to you some of the most important and powerful operations carried out by the decentralized hacktivist community.

For information on the different operations carried out by Anonymous, click here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are Anonymous. The time for change is now. When you see this banana, know that we've been there.

Donald Trump and his imaginary accordion

50 Amazing Facts to Blow Your Mind - Matthew Santoro